Finding the Right Fit
Recently, I found myself sitting outside a local store’s fitting room area where my two granddaughters, ages 8 and 10, were trying on a few outfits. This was a “Nona” outing, so I wanted to treat them to a new Spring outfit (or two). After perusing the girls’ clothing department, each of my granddaughters chose a few items to try on. Honestly, it was fun to see the yellow floral pants, pink pleated skorts, and short sleeved t-shirts on display. It made me excited for the warm days ahead.
While waiting for the fashion show to begin. I found myself in company with other moms whose daughters were busy in the dressing rooms trying on this and that. I found myself transported back in time 25 years ago when I would take my own daughters shopping for clothes.
I was familiar with the ritual of sitting outside fitting rooms. I spent quite a few years nurturing my children through appropriate clothing choices. Both my daughters and my sons often had a disconnect between what they thought looked great and what I thought looked abysmal. But you can’t really use the word “abysmal” when commenting on what your child is wearing. Rather, the challenge is to find a diplomatic way to say, “THERE’S NO WAY YOU’RE EVER GOING TO WEAR THAT!”
One by one, each young pre-teen girl would come out of the changing room with some version of fringy, sparkly shorts.
Inevitably, the interaction went like this.
“Oh, those look great,” the mom would say with enthusiasm.
“I think I need a smaller size,” the young girl would say. “These shorts are too long.”
Mom replied. “I think those shorts fit just fine. The length is appropriate.”
The daughter. “Mom, can you please get me a smaller size?” To which the mom would search for encouraging words that included a hard NO.
I found it interesting how solidarity quickly forged between the other young moms as they stood outside the fitting rooms. No words were spoken between them, but as each of their daughters stomped back to the fitting rooms frustrated by maternal “redirections,” the shared acknowledgement of the moms’ raised eyebrows, folded arms, and a heavy sighs spoke volumes. I said nothing, although I was definitely channeling my non-verbal support.
I, on the other hand, could only gush over my granddaughters as they paraded in potential new outfits. I had no interest in being difficult. I’m a grandmother. My job is to love and accept, and then just love and accept more regardless of what they wear. However, there was a slight issue. To be honest, I purchased a pair of shorts for my granddaughter that I knew very well her mother would not approve of. Call it a shoulder shrug moment, but I knew I could punt kick the issue of overly short shorts to my daughter. I didn’t care. I just repeated over and over again how beautiful she is. In fairness, I did give my daughter a heads up regarding the shorts.
As parents, sometimes passing hard judgement on style choices for kids is part of the resume. I get that. I was that parent. However, I also learned there doesn’t need to be a hard line to everything with regards to healthy self-expressions for our young and wonderfully unique emerging adults. It took me a while to come to terms with the balance between age appropriateness and nonconformity in clothing choices. Honestly, who says polka-dots don’t go with stripes? My time outside the fitting room reminded me of the finesse of parenting it takes to help kids find their perfect fit. Kudos to all moms and dads who do just that.