Appreciation for Fathers

A few months ago when winter still had a tight grip on our corner of the world, I was driving home and slowed my car in order to make a left hand turn into our neighborhood. Over to the right, however, was a police car with it’s flashing blue lights parked on the road next to another car that had visible collision damage. Standing outside the car were two people; one man was coatless and one younger girl was wrapped in what was presumably the man’s coat. His arms enveloped her. Perhaps they were waiting for the police officer to finish a report. Regardless, it was cold, too cold to be standing outside.

Instead of turning left towards my home, I made a right turn in hopes of offering this couple some refuge from the chill. I pulled up towards them and lowered my window. Once closer, I could see the young teen with the oversized coat visibly shaken. Her face was flushed and streaked with tears. Thankfully, she seemed physically unhurt. The coatless man providing comfort was her dad. I invited them to wait in my heated car but the dad assured me they were ok. He thanked me, and I wished them well. As I drove away, I felt a warmth overcome me. Yes, this young girl found herself in a scary place, but my guess was, when this accident happened, she called her dad. And here he was, enveloping her with the brand of reassurance and comfort that dads do best. 

I certainly remember those days when our four kids found themselves in an unfortunate circumstance, and their phone call began with one word. “Dad,” they would say, their voice laden with fear or angst or shame. And so began a process of facing a broken day. I remember the art of my husband’s love for our kids when adversity swooped down like a dark cloud. Like so many dads, my husband created the healing balm of love; tough but gentle, navigating consequences with hope, and healing shattering shame with constant reassurance in our child’s goodness. Our sons are now navigating their own stories of fatherhood, but I can say they had a pretty good role model.

If the goal is to grow into the best version of one’s self, you can’t underestimate the presence of a fine dad. However, that’s not always the case. 

Refecting on the importance of fathers can also bring up complicated emotions. Not everyone has a dad who stands coatless on the sidewalk in the winter for as long as it takes to make sure his daughter is ok. Some fathers don’t show up. They lead with disappointment, or mistake love for expectation. For many men, the absence of a father can be detrimental; leaving scars difficult to heal. Yet, I’ve seen how an anguished narrative of fatherhood for some men creates determination to lean into compassion, commitment and consistency in order to break painful cycles. I most admire those men who don’t succumb; rather they rise to the challenge of creating a world of loving fatherhood on their own. I know and love such men as I've been watching them for years. I celebrate them with extra gratitude. 

For all men who provide others with the safety net of love, guidance and support, this day is for you. Your words of encouragement will echo long after they land on your children’s ears. Your examples of sacrifice and commitment will be etched in their hearts and the hearts of their children. Happy Father’s Day to all fathers and father figures who help others shine brightly. I wish you all a day full of appreciation and joy.

Photo by Andrik Langfield on Unsplash